Lost & Found…..

My Mental Fuckery Blog:

You know when we have had someone that we love unconditionally, most people (well pretty much most all the population) will tell you “I’m so sorry for your loss”.  And I have been pondering on that ole saying (yea my teacups enjoyed this very much) and it comes to my conclusion that when we are told this, it Isn’t a “loss”.  Kinda like when we lose a pen, piece of paper, car (you know, when your so drunk and wake up and your like fuck, how did I get home…….peek out your window and you are like “Phew, don’t remember that ride home, but at least my car had somehow got me here”)……….anyway you get the picture.  So that whole time we think we have lost something, we finally find it, so it was never lost in the first place. 

Recently I attended a funeral of someone I knew for about 20 years.  Tears were shed, hands were held, along with hugs.  It was at a Catholic church, so I didn’t understand most the shit that the preacher was saying, but it didn’t matter.  His words did not matter to me.  What did matter was  what words were said from others; old friends, his family, etc.  Then at the end of the service, people were going to the family members and saying “I’m so sorry for your loss”, and I told them, “I’m so sorry”.

What I’m getting at (I know, just get to the fuck’n point aleady) is when a loved one passes away, there is no “loss”.  If that were the case, then apparently people have lost their memories……….maybe from dementia, or someone with mental fuckery’s (this time I’m not talking about me).  And with all this pondering I did, I came to the conclusion that we didn’t lose anyone, they will simply be found among the memories that were made.  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not say I lost someone, or was suffering from a loss.  Rather I simply find and keep them within not only my memories, but in my heart as well.

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 I’m so glad you asked………I’m doing better as far as my Bipolar disease goes.  Becoming more stable.  I still have my moments, but I always will.  That is something I have to accept and live with, whether it’s a good day and my teacups have slowed way down, or a bad day where I just want to be alone and suffer from my twisted, cocaine filled teacups.  I guess my medicine man finally found the right cocktail for me.  Speaking of that fucker (Lol I do respect and like him……….) Awhile back I told him I was going to get that CoolSculping done.  He asked what it was and I explained.  He then told me that I didn’t need it, and told him “Yes the fuck I do”.  I have a low enough self esteem issues and needed to get this noninvasive fat reducer a try………….

So I had the procedure a couple months ago, and honestly haven’t seen or felt my belly fat magically disappearing.  And that fuck’n procedure ain’t cheap……I have one more session to go through, and if I don’t see results after that one, them assholes better refund my freak’n money back.  Okay, back to the medicine man.  So anyway, I had an appointment this past Friday, and my hubby took me there because I was just to emotionally drained from the funeral and sleeping on a shitty bed at the hotel we stayed in.

So we get to the office and I patiently awaited for him to come out and say my name (meaning it was my turn to come to his dungeon).  We get into his office and we sat down,  and I fuck’n kid you not, he tells me “You’ve gained weight”……….WTF!!!!! Did he just really say that???  I’m like, just a month ago you said I wasn’t and didn’t need that procedure done.  Ugh………I almost wanted to jump over his desk just to find out if the hair on his head was real or was a toupee  by yanking on it………not that I really would, but the thought made me chuckle.  He probably thought I was chuckling at his comments and my comments back.  No fucker, those chuckles came from my inner fuckery’s!!!

Well since my medicine man made that comment, I’ve researched those cleansers that supposedly make you thinner by detoxing your body.  You’d think I have great abs from keeping my belly sucked in……..unfortunately there have been no results.

Peace & Love to you all.

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